R. Kelly's Protege
Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Friend of Dorothy
Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Well, aren't YOU a badass
Kicked open a door.
Duck Dynasty
Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Someone's got a case of the Mondays!
Survived Monday.
Taxidermy with Chuck Testa
Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Here, Wilfred
Gained your first dog helper.
Officer McLovin'
Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you
Put out someone that's on fire.
It's sterile and I like the taste
Sucked down your own piss.
It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog
Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Finkle IS Einhorn!
Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
C U Next Tuesday
Survived Tuesday.
Lieberman is our Leader!
Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway
Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Fur Sure!
Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Do you even Enzyte, bro?
Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!
Survived Wednesday.
Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.
Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays
Survived Thursday.
And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree
Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale
Roasted 30 people with fire.
GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Where's Mr. McGibblets?
Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace
Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Workin' for the Weekend
Survived Friday.
Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!
Killed over 1,000 people.
Gotta pay the Troll Toll
(Secret achievement)
Can't Touch This
Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Door Mat
Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
FAB-U-LOUS!
Wore all three outfits.
Screw Bill Lumbergh!
Survived Saturday.
You are not alone
(Secret achievement)
Darth Maul'd!
Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Paid the Piper
Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
I'm not even supposed to be here today!
(Secret achievement)
Chuck Norris'd!
Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
I swear, I thought it was a home fill
Exploded a nuclear bomb.
A-Rod Who?
Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Shiva Blast
"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
There's always money in the banana stand
(Secret achievement)
Rebecca Black's Nightmare
Totaled 30 cars.
Thanks for the money!
Finished all seven days.
Rick Grimes 4 Life
Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Anger Management With Roger Clemens
Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
I Am Legend
Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Reddit would be proud.
Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
RAFIBOMB!!!
Kicked 10 people in the balls.
I should buy a boat
Read the newspaper every day.
Running With Scissors
Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Chapelle's Show
Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Found 'em faster than GWB
(Secret achievement)
GABAGOOOOOL!
Reunited with an old friend.
Señor Cornballer
Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
John Rambo'd!
(Secret achievement)
Holocaust: Part Deux
Reunited with an old enemy.
Cesar Millan is Very Happy
Mauled 30 people with your dog.
One time, at band camp...
Saved the marching band from explody death.
Rain on your Wedding Day
Reunited with an old flame.
Ginger Mint
(Secret achievement)
I don't need virgins for this
Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad
Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Don't taze me, bro!
Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Uncle T-Bag
Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Pussy on a Pedestal
Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Gettin DP'd
Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Hello, Newman
Kicked 30 dogs.
Ape Gape
(Secret achievement)
BioShocked
Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Fear and Loathing
Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Better than POSTAL III
Rescued your loyal companion.
Dick Message
(Secret achievement)
Michonne ain't got nothin' on me
Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
SCREW that game!
(Secret achievement)
Planet of the Apes: The Musical
Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Anustart!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Gary vs. The K. Man
(Secret achievement)
Ladies Love Cake
(Secret achievement)
Hobo Sexual
(Secret achievement)
40 Year Old Virgin
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
PooMasher
(Secret achievement)
Rich on Reddit
Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
CAN YOU DIG IT?!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Scientology Level: OT VIII
Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Ode to Eddings
(Secret achievement)
You Snow Nothing John Blow
Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
My Name is Jesus
Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Harder than r/gonewild
Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.
Adderall4All
Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)