Tired eyes skim the ebony ink pressed into the stark pale page.
Another month of treatment.
Another unpaid balance.
This was not how it was supposed to be. The paper crumbles in your fingers, shoved into a disused pocket covered in lint.
However, when an opportunity presents itself…
SNAP- the Nitrile gloves sting: A mild reminder of your sins. What you’re doing- you're doing it for HER. Elena won’t ever have to know. Only that her father took care of her when she needed it the most.
Less time thinking, more time Cleaning, Kovalsky.
A sad smirk crosses your lips as you stand, shouldering the 120 pounds of lifeless corpse. Your innards writhe in discomfort. No matter how many bodies you move, the sickly sweet stench of Death always twists your stomach into knots- threatening to expel the entirety of its contents. You try your best to be detached, flopping the deceased onto the tarp where you bag them, the sharp rip of the zipper cutting through the coppery air. This was not your doing- merely what you’re paid todo. Clean the aftermath. It pays the bills.
Get the call.
Clean.
Go home.
Get paid.
The bag is hoisted once more, quickly making your way out the side door. The plastic crinkles, quickly drowned out by an unceremonious THUD as you deposit the poor soul into the bed of your truck.
As soon as the debts are settled, this will all be over. As soon as Elena’s well.
This won’t be forever, Kovalsky- will it? 

A Warning To Readers:
The following review will contain images that, while not wildly “explicit” or “gory”, the visualization of them could be considered as such. As one might surmise by the games title, there is a lot of blood as well as some bodily fluids, mention and depiction of murder, heavy drug use, and suicide. Continue at your own discretion.

Just when you thought the job was over...

Crime Scene Cleaner is one of many titles developed by President Studio (And owned by PlayWay S.A.) that fall under what would be considered a "simulation" title. While most of us who frequent, or have at least played some form of simulator, we tend to know it's a bit of a mixed bag. Some are absolutely better than others, but most will boast quite a bit of campiness and a glaring self awareness of what the game itself IS. Usually assets are pretty blatant, and controls can be quite hit or miss, but in some cases the humor used can propel games like this into the category of "It's so bad, it's good". In other cases, most things are sound, and while it may not be perfect, it achieves a bit of a cult following. And while not quite perfect (for a handful of reasons), it's probably one of, if not THE most solid "simulator" title I've stumbled across in years.

A bit of not-so-subtle humor...or is it a hint?

Having just ENOUGH self awareness, and a decent amount of campy humor that really shines, Crime Scene Cleaner really goes above and beyond in a multitude of areas, not requiring a dependency on the former factors. It has an overwhelmingly solid story that I was absolutely not expecting, and while there are some areas that I found to be a "miss", I couldn't give it a more solid mark when it comes to your driving factor in the game. Graphics are really top notch, and environments are very detailed and well put together. Controls are well defined, and tight, making for a very enjoyable and responsive game. A surprisingly lively, and in some cases entertaining, soundtrack really helps moves things along- making all the time you're going to spend hauling bodies, mopping floors, and rearranging furniture very enjoyable. Collectables are also present, giving a reason to be overly through, as some are only found in secret areas, only found by the most observant. Overall, Crime Scene Cleaner has an outstanding formula that works ENTIRELY to it's benefit.

The irony is not lost on us.

One of the main components to what makes Crime Scene Cleaner so good at what it does, is it's solid story. While this might not be as readily apparent,  especially with the false sense of "campy security" the developers blanket you with, it boasts a wildly through story that I was not expecting. There is absolutely more than a few giggles to be had both in story and in things you will inevitably find, but when the shoe starts to drop- it doesn't stop. You are not afforded many details- only that you were formerly a janitor, and your daughter is very sick, requiring quite expensive treatment.  As the story progresses, you start to get more information, allowing you to piece together the situation you and your daughter is in, and how the others around you are impacted. While the game play is normally enough to keep me hooked, I found the story was a huge drive to continue on. I became fervently determined to see how the story ends. Or... did it?

Along the way, you will receive updates from your ill daughter, Elena. Your line of work is excusable, since you're doing all this for her...right? 

I do, however, want to take a pause here to make a point. Each of the 10 missions currently available to you consist of a story, that, while digestible as a stand-alone, builds up the main plot. Some information you will receive in pre-mission emails, while some you are left to put together as you "clean up the aftermath". While, for the most part, the stories range from entertaining to eerie, some are sad, or chilling- there is one mission in particular that I ended up having a fairly large issue with. As stated in the warning, there are quite a few things covered in this game, one such topic being suicide. While I generally wouldn't have too much of an issue with this being integrated into a story, especially once it takes a more serious turn, the way it was handled in this regard felt a little too over-glorified, and irreverent. It becomes quite obvious that it was placed there specifically for shock and "theatrical" value. This, conjoined with the collectable cassette found nearby, and it's title made it feel like a huge oversight by the developers. Thankfully this was the only instance in Crime Scene Cleaner where I really felt conflicted, and while it certainly wasn't ideal- it's by no means a critical strike.

While impactful, it feels as though this mission is more for shock value, and could have been handled a little better.

Graphically, Crime Scene Cleaner looks gorgeous, and I would say it is most likely one of the more visually pleasing simulator titles I've played. No corners feel cut, and I didn't notice a decline in quality when it came to areas I couldn't reach, but could see.  The view from windows looks gorgeous and immersive, and watching your home evolve over the course of your "employment" feels very rewarding.  Bodies didn't feel copy-and-pasted, and even if they were, the repetition was so infrequent that it really didn't matter. Assets were used well and environments felt lived in, partied in, and most importantly: murdered in. There will be MORE than enough for you to look at, clean, and tidy. While most PCs will have no issue, in the last few levels some players may notice a slight drop in performance. Due to the sheer amount of objects that function independently, though this was largely not an issue for the majority of the game, players with lower to mid range PCs may feel an impact. Overall, a very visually pleasing title all around. Pair this with a fun sound track and you are in for quite the treat! Each thoughtful level has themed musical tracks for you to listen to and unlock. Add them to your collection that you can access from your tablet so you can listen to what you want, when you want, so long as you own the cassette. While some songs may feel a tad generic, others are delightfully tongue-in-cheek with the story. (Prosciutto-Core, anyone?) Ultimately, it really is the icing on the cake, adding a fun flavor to the game.

Late game you might find slightly more taxing on your PC. Lot's to do, and plenty to clean.

Additionally, controls feel neat and tidy and I was quite pleased at movement pace. It all seemed well thought through, even taking to account the time it would take to move a body. While slower than your normal place, the developers were sure to make sure it wasn't too taxing- and were mindful of players time in levels with more bodies. Generally, if you look around you will find some form of short cut in locations with lots of bodies to bag, cutting down on the time you need to spend hauling corpses.  You have a slew of tools at your disposal: sponges, mops, power washers, air purifiers, UV lamps and many other useful gadgets to make your life cleaning a breeze. Each and every tool has it's own unique use and strength that can be upgraded through your skill tree. Be sure to scour each and every location for "compensation", as your skill points earned are directly reflected from how much money you've made on a job in total. The perks, combined with the wide array of tools, really made for an enjoyable experience.

Always aim for that perfect score to maximize your payout, and in turn, your skill points. 

When you toss all these factors together, you'll find President Studio really has struck a fantastic balance within Crime Scene Cleaner that is not usually accomplished by most simulator titles. The perfect mixture of humor often known to be in these titles, and a surprisingly driving story spearhead the formula- even when taking into consideration a few thoughtless shortcomings- start things off strong.  Well implemented graphics and well tuned controls simply add to what I would easily call a fantastic experience, leaving little-to-no room for complaints. Splash a generous helping of fun music to clean to while keeping an eye out from some Secret Rooms and Hidden Goodies and you've got yourself a winning formula that I've rarely seen executed so well. While not without flaws, they pale in comparison to the overall picture, and are generally minor when compared with the entire scope. Based off the current roadmap, Crime Scene Cleaner looks to CONTINUE to deliver- promising the addition of a community voted map (an Underground Lab, voted on previously) in addition to a continuation of Kovalsky's story. Once core issues have been addressed as well as other Quality of Life tweaks have been added, and additional game modes have been put into place, additional content will be at the forefront. At a humble asking price of $19.99 USD (on sale for $17.99 at the time of writing this review), you absolutely CANNOT go wrong with the promise of additional continued support going forward.  If you've been on the fence when it's come to simulators, grab your gloves and body bag. This is a ride you ABSOLUTELY won't want to miss.

Crime Scene Cleaner is currently available for purchase on the Steam Store.








Pssssssst. You can ABSOLUTELY pet Dexter (and I would encourage you to!). He is the most non-judgemental, Goodest Boy.